


Discovery

by bucktiick



Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ, JYJ (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Love Letters, M/M, Post-Split
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-01
Updated: 2018-09-01
Packaged: 2019-07-05 09:37:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15861024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bucktiick/pseuds/bucktiick
Summary: Jaejoong expresses all of his thoughts





	Discovery

**Author's Note:**

> I recently discovered that love letters are a genre of fanfiction, which is pretty cool and I wanted to try my hand at one. Also it's YJLoveBar's 14th ani so what better time to write my first TVXQ fic. 
> 
> Takes place after Yunho and Jaejoong were at the same Army event a couple years ago.
> 
> Be warned I've never written a love letter

_"Dear Yunho,_

_I never knew how hard it would be to put my feelings into words, directly addressing you, until now. Just like how people love to speculate, there's more than a few songs about you. The words twisted to be vague of course- but I know who they're about. Junsu and Yuchun and every producer who's ever glanced at the lyric sheet knows exactly who I sing about. Every nondescript 'you' is your name. How crass of me, to advertise my heartbreak, but it's a bit too late to take back._

_It's too late to take a lot of things back._

_Seeing you again, in your army uniform.. brings back memories. I remember every week after your birthday you'd whisper about how you were scared of the day your conscription came up. Here you are years later, proud and strong as a soldier. You've grown, but I can't say much because we're less than a month apart._

_I still think about you. But I think that's obvious. Small things remind me of you. The dumbest things that I don't want to describe._

_I want to say that I let you go a long time ago, but that's a lie. I'm not ashamed of it, but seeing you so grown now.. having come so far. It's time to say goodbye to what feelings are left. To say goodbye to you, to us, the flower that wilted a long time ago. I don't know why I've kept some small hope that one day it would be like it used to be._

_It won't, and it's taken an embarrassingly long time to accept. But the time has come. Dare I say you're different from who I knew back then, but that sounds a bit harsh._

_Here's my last I love you. You were my first love, I won't forget you. Bury me deep in your memory if you'd like, don't be like me. I miss you, I really truly do but what once was can never happen again. We're two different people now- two people who are better off without each other._

_I'd be poetic, I'd describe our good times together. I'd pour my heartbreak into this letter to make you understand, but it's all the things I've thought a million times for 5 years. Yunho you're a smart man. You can fill in the blanks._

_Goodbye."_

 

   Jaejoong's strokes end up weak and flawed on his goodbye. he doesn't want to end it. Anything but that but he has to, if he knows whats good for himself. It's been 5 years and it took him this long. Angry tears stream down his face, angry at himself for being childish, acting like a high school girl about the whole situation. He wants to set down the pen, to toss the notepad aside and hide from these feelings but he doesn't. As long as this letter isn’t signed, his love his still alive. He doesn’t have to say goodbye, he can hope for what once was. He can try and glue back the pieces of their broken relationship. This letter doesn’t have to exist. He can save himself the pain. 

 

He puts the pen to the paper one last time.

 

_"- Jaejoong._

 

_ps. brush up on your Japanese and listen to 瞳をとじ... sums everything up quite well. I will try and try hard enough to end this here, but there will always be unspoken words between us, so i will leave this here. No amount of songs or words can ever tell you the full story, so it’s useless to try. Maybe sad songs like these will ease my pain. I’ll never stop missing you. I’ll never stop loving you as much as I try and force myself to._


End file.
